4 days till refill

And I am starting to withdraw. I don’t know how many times I told myself that I wouldn’t go here with the suboxone. But here I’ve gone. And as Therapist is basically insisting that I go on an eating plan I have that to think on too. But it struck me. as far as I know OA doesn’t give chips, or keytags or anything like that. But if you think about it, won’t accumulated abstinence just show for all to see. How can you eat clean every day, use the tools of exercise outreach and service and not show it with every fiber of your being. It is literally easier to appear sober than thin. They say it’s not about size. Some of the women that have been coming for 30 years and still weigh 350+ say that, too. But they tell you to look at and listen to people in the program who have what you want. I know hw to weigh plus 300 and feel ashamed, bloated and ruled by my cravings. How do I get away from here? How do I lose 80 lbs? How do I get a grip with my meds,overspending, complete absence of personal income, gaming, housecleaning, tv watching, selfcare, intimacy with my family, dental needs, spirituality and on on on it goes? eveery area of my life is either massively neglected or massively overdone! I need help. Any other crazies out there? Any other multitasaking junkies, who maintain and squash habits only to grow others to maintain? I feel alone.

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