I have been in a major flare the past couple of days. It has concentrated in my upper body including my shoulders, wrists and hands. I find this sort of pain particularly depressing and I feel myself being pulled down by lethargy and discouragement.
I isolate when I get like this. Deliberately pushing away things that help and grabbing for all the things that don’t. I know that I am not far away from sinking into the slimy blackness. I have thrown a few ropes up out of the pit. I talk to my counselor. I got a sponsor and I have been checking in with her and asking for help. I spent several hours hanging out with a trusted friend the other day, one who knows the real me that has been keeping tabs on me ever since.
But I’m blue. I don’t want to sink into the swamps but I feel myself going anyhow. Hopefully one of the lifelines I threw will be strong enough when I grow the sack to try and climb out of this pit.
84 to go