I hope to be posting quite a bit more. Husband got me Dragon naturally speaking 12.5. It is a bit of a learning curve to figure out how to write by talking into this headset but it should allow me to write when my hands and wrists will not.
I’m blue and anxious right now. Husband is in the hospital. He came home from school feeling like crap and asked me to drive him to the emergency room. He wouldn’t tell me what specifically was bothering him he just said that he wanted me to hurry up and get him there. Which of course scared me even more. So we rounded up Son at his friends house and got husband there is quickly as we could.
It turns out that Husband is having atrial fibrillation. I don’t know how much of this ties in with his other health problems. I haven’t even looked up what exactly atrial fibrillation means in terms of his health. It scares me, him having heart issues. It scares me that they want him to go on blood thinner us. That’s scary medication with lots of scary side effects and the doctor told him that these new ones they don’t even have to monitor you on which makes me feel worse.
When things like this happen, I think about the worst-case scenario. If he were to die, and leave me all alone with Son, I really worry about what life would be like. We have our problems, we have our struggles, but I don’t think that either one of us can really imagine life without the other at this point. Not to mention the immediate logistics of the fact that he doesn’t have any life insurance right now since he’s in school not employed. So we’d have to do, I mean I’d have to do a military funeral. Because I couldn’t afford anything else.
I suppose I could get used to this Dragon way of writing. It is by far the most intuitive speech to text program I’ve ever used. And when I get used to expressing my thoughts vocally instead of through my fingers, I think that I will really, really enjoy having this software.
This past Thursday I started with my new therapist. It was like night and day dealing with female instead of the hard-nosed old man that I had for the past 18 months. She listened to me, paid attention, asked the right questions. I’m really hoping I can get somewhere with her. With very difficult questions and obstacles and issues.
There is so much about me that needs fixing. My addictions. My weight. My teeth. My wrists. My knees. My infected big toe. My habits. My unhealthy routines. My poor grooming skills. My marriage. My parenting.
There is so much, that even thinking about it is overwhelming. But next week counselor and I are going to start setting goals and she hopes to help me achieve them with their time together. We’ll have to see how effective she is.