Igpay Atinlay

Son recently discovered Pig Latin. He didn’t get the rules of it at first but was fascinated enough with the idea of it that he kept trying and now he’s fairly fluent in it. He would just keep trying to say things and I would keep correcting him until now the rules are second nature to him and I even have to ask him to slow down some or repeat what he said so I can understand him well enough to respond.

He’s also speaks it so much now that I can sometimes find it a little annoying but I don’t tell him to stop. First, I am very pleased by the fact that he set his mind to acquiring a skill and then did so, even though it meant repeated trial and error. He lacks confidence in himself and can tend to want to give up if something isn’t immediately easy for him, so I am happy about his tenacity with this. I also don’t make him stop because I think, though I don’t really have any proof that since he has decided to master pig latin he has gained confidence and smoothness in ALL of his verbal expression, not just the pig latin itself.

He doesn’t have a stutter, but he has needed speech therapy in school just the same. He has received services for slow, halting speech with lots of starts, stops and repetition when he is trying to get his words out. And the more emotionally charged a situation is, the more difficult it can be for him to speak clearly.He has improved tremendously since the end of second grade, where is when he started attending school where he does now and got his IEP in the first place. This has been his best year yet, and  I think, though like I said I can’t prove, that somehow mastering the pig latin has helped.

I’m anxious about where he will be attending school in the fall. He won’t be at the school he is now, because they are an elementary school and he enter 5th grade in September. The school he’s at now is a Title One school with an excellent special ed team. I’m afraid of him not getting what he needs someplace else, whether we stay in public school or manage to pull off private school by some miracle.

I am afraid of so much right now. Pain, swelling and cold weather have kept me inside quite a bit this winter, even though we’ve had hardly any snow this year, just rain, a few flurries and bitterly cold temperatures. I am absolutely desperate to regain some quality of life. I am so immobile so much of the time. I’m only 38. I am so desperately tired of the biggest decision on how I spend my day being whether  it will be in my bed or my recliner.

My Suboxone doc referred me to a pain clinic and I finally worked up the balls to go. He seemed to think he was referring me to get back on opiate pain management, an idea which I found frightening as hell and bitterly compelling.

I was compelled because I knowing when I wake up with EVERY movement bringing resistance and agony but knowing that there is something in my med box that will allow me to feel even mildly relieved and capable of possible life progress. Knowing that if i do morning meds at 7:30 am, I can feel able to face cleaning my kitchen or putting away some clean laundry without the idea reducing me to hysterical tears, by 9 or so. The problem with such meds is that while they have me up and moving by 9 or so, they have me contemplating taking more by 10-10:15 and more every 2 hrs or so till I go to bed that night to sleep it off and start the whole roller coaster again the next day. I have been on that roller coaster. I have run out of track and gone careening wildly into inky black sky. And I always have the people I love the most strapped in right next to me.

So I was enticed and terrified by the concept of such a clinic. So much so that I cancelled my first appointment the day of, even though I had painstakingly walkered between doctor’s offices on feet too swollen to be doing anything but bedrest to fill out paperwork they assured me I could have mailed because I know with doctor’s like this one, the comfort of mailing or faxing paperwork costs at least another 3 to 6 weeks of wait time before your appointment. As it was even hand delivering said documents, I still had to wait nearly a month for that initial visit. And that was with repeated nagging phone calls. Who knows how long I’d have waited if I didn’t hound them. Still I cancelled the day of cause I was scared. Scared shitless of them given me a prescription, which I wouldn’t have hesitated to fill, feeling like this.

Then I saw my Suboxone doctor who assured me that they would NEVER turn me loose with a script and no structure so I re-booked the appointment and then actually went. My fears turned out to be groundless. He did not offer me a narcotic script. He asked me quite a few questions about my pain and my drug history,then point blank asked me if I WANTED to go back on such meds,

I said no, without even hesitating. I don’t know if a different answer would have yielded different results but even though depraved, craving me wants something,. me that has made progress since hitting bottom does not. I need to get healthier, I need to be productive, I have such little quality of life right now, I am so ruled by pain and immobility that it makes me almost agoraphobic some days. Even the things that used to bring me happiness seem like overwhelming chores now, So I stay inside and even end up canceling things that are necessary to make me feel better and keep me from losing ground.

So I’m booked for injections of some kind of powerful steroid that is supposed to really, really help. And it has to. Because the rate I’m going I’m going to lose ground and lose progress. Instead of miserably sitting in limbo, not gaining ground day after day, I’m going to start losing ground that I have gained.


2 thoughts on “Igpay Atinlay

  1. Yes, I have seen those steroid shots work. I hope you have the same results!
    I wish my kids would learn pig latin! That is wonderful, so very fun. I think you are right not to discourage him.


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