I was thinking about how my last several posts have been about my marital issues.. how I keep repeating the same complaints and then that led to thinking about how people used to say someone who repeated themselves sounded like a broken record and how I was a broken record about these marriage problems but then I wondered if anyone who reads this is even old enough to understand the meaning behind saying someone is a broken record.. hmm.. one thing at a time, I suppose..
I think my focus, or continued complaining, or obsession with my marital intimacy or lack thereof lately has been highlighted by the weather. Snow and ice make all of my mobility issues more so.. just more. Even if I resign myself to being housebound more than usual, snow makes issues come inside.
Like the other morning.. We had decided Son would stay home with me so that was fine, but my morning was still made more difficult by snow. Husband came in from digging out the car and did something in the bathroom.. which meant that my hypersensitive, swollen feet were stepping in icy, cold water from the slush that melted off his boots and also really
awesome terrible shards of rock salt. Everything Son wears on his outside layer comes in not only wet, which would just mean drying it but also dingy which means it actually needs to be washed and dried which basically just means that my laundry routine has been messed with aka workload increased.
And it looks like we’ve got more snow coming that’ll keep us/me housebound even longer as Monday and Tuesday of this week are probably going to be canceled due to more snow.
Yay! Thinner is on Netflix. It was a lesser of Stephen King’s Bachman books and an even crappier movie but I find it amusing and I need something to take my mind off things. For some reason I became obsessed with wanting to watch this piece of crap movie a while back but I could only find it on Youtube, in parts. That took forever to load and had bad audio and choppy cuts. It feels like a victory to have it flowing smoothly on my television screen.
The wife in this movie is such a skinny bitch. All the characters are kind of ridiculous, but she is just so blatantly controlling and disrespectful. I can attest firsthand that spouses can be mean to each other. Husband and I have been downright cruel to each other at times. It’s just the way she treats him. Something about the hectoring mommy way she wrestles him away from the table in front of their friends just rubs me the wrong way, I guess.
Stephen King is so young and healthy looking here. It’s amazing how time and everything he’s been through have diminished him. Speaking of Stephen King… when I was in the bathroom just now I was reminded of a scene in one of his stories, actually come to think of it, probably more than one where a hungover, haggard character in emotional distress avoids meeting their own eyes in the mirror. Their eyes “skitter away” from their reflections. That’s where I’m at. I feel crappy and depressed. And any time I pass a mirror, seeing my greasy, string-clump hair and my skin that manages to be simultaneously flaky and oil slickish.
I know a shower would probably do me a world of good but it seems like an insurmountable task. I’m so tired. So sore. So blue. How do I get past this? How do I work past my baggage so function isn’t so difficult? I want to feel better! I need a pick me up! I really miss opiates sometimes. Or, if I can’t have the pink cloud of opiate oblivion maybe just the cool, blue mood of benzos..
This post isn’t even a broken record. Just a disjointed non sequitur rant. How the hell do I get from here to better?