5 am earworm..

I woke up in pain and irritable with this song circling my head. Quite a bit of my musical memory is 90s centric though I do have a fairly eclectic mental playlist. From what I remember this song was hit and then BET took it over, kinda remade it as a theme song for Teen Summit. Five o’clock in the evening, where ya gonna be?  Watching Teen Summit!

Am I the only person in the world that remembers these things? I can’t be, right? That would be lonely.

Husband was in bed with me and had scooched close which I can often despise at my most sore time of day but I have been trying to be conscientious of not instantly being mean each time he touches me. He’s trying to be close. I should value that. I know plenty of women that would give a lot to have a man that wanted to be close to them..either they don’t have one at all or the one they do have isn’t making an effort. I am trying to remember that and be appreciative.

Anyways! Today! I am home again due to snow. Starting to feel a bit stir crazy while at the same time somehow cozily agoraphobic. Nobody actually expects me to go out when its like this. Doctors and family actually discourage it. There are few times a year when I will have excuses this good without actually having to have an overwhelming medical crisis over and above my normal disabilities.

Son’s school canceled but Husband’s didn’t. So  Husband is going out. Which means there is a good chance of him doing a little grocery shopping and getting some food in these here bare cupboards as we’ve both gotten paid. Groceries would be nice. Food I might actually want to eat instead of what is most palatable out of what’s available to me would be amazing!

I’m anxious because my Suboxone refill appointment is in 2 days. Between health and weather things I have not come anywhere near my end of the bargain with being consistent with appointments or swabs. I don’t know how long I can keep getting a pass on this. My hardass counselor would’ve threatened me by now. But I don’t have the hardass anymore. which leaves me in ambivalence. What do I do?

I know one thing. I need to shower. Like today. I feel grimy. I need clean hair and clean pajamas. Maybe that will help with perspective.

One thing at a time.. for now, post this.. then tea and meds.. (the tea being contingent on me having some left in this empty kitchen of mine).. then I think back to bed for a little while.

Should be several hours before Son is up and about.


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