A meaningless black cauldron of swirling failure..

Today’s title is part of a quote from Baljeet, a character on Phineas and Ferb, one of our family favorites. The episode is posted above but in case you don’t feel like spending 20 minutes, this is the exchange from which the quote is taken.

Phineas:
Is everything ok?

Baljeet:
If by ok you mean that my life is meaningless, black cauldron of swirling failure then yes, everything is groovy.

Phineas:
That’s not at all what I meant by ok!

Anyway, humor aside, I have been really struggling lately with shame and depression. My eating and cravings for other things have been out of control, probably because persuing the wls and some of my other doctor’s appointments have been pusing me to deal with my food issues. I also find myself relentlessly approval seeking and feeling like even more of a failure when I don’t get the response I am looking for from whomever I am seeking approval from at the moment, be it Husband, various medical professionals, friends, WordPress, etc etc.

I’ve decided to do another blog commitment to try and help myself at least somewhat by regular writing. I think I’ll do a 30 in 30 this time, as 90 posts in 90 days was good for me, but also a daunting undertaking and I would like to be able to finish what I start.

So this is the first of my 30 in 30. An added twist I’d like to add to this commitment is that I will end each post with at least one thing I am grateful for from that day. One thing my hardass counselor taught me was how much cultivating an attitude of gratitude helps you get through difficult times.

Today I am grateful that Son’s first attendence at the youth group he’s been looking forward to joining went very well. It makes me happy to see him happy and accepted in a positive place.

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