Me and Husband at the moment

He is REALLY getting on my nerves. He has the car all the fucking time, can’t be bothered to help me with, nor take me to SHIT, and the one thing I ask him to do for me today, he forgets!

My medicine is sitting at the pharmacy because he wants to putter around Walmart. Must be nice. To be able-bodied, do whatever the hell you want with your free time after you spend the day pursuing your dream.

I am so angry. And I feel trapped. I don’t have anywhere else to go, or anyone else I can truly depend on.

He complains as he sees me inching toward my goals of wls that I’ll get skinny and leave him for someone else. Lately he’s had me so angry that if I COULD have walked out, I would’ve. Not for someone else, just for my own place with Son. But when I think that through I remember how miserable Son was before when I was  separated from Husband.

No matter how much I tried to pack in the visits and phone calls etc, Son still cried every morning and night when he missed his daddy.  That definitely puts a pause in my idea of separation  being the ideal it feels like.

So I swallow my rage, usually washing it down with sugar or fast food. And I wonder how much I can take before I break.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Me and Husband at the moment

    • Can I get nosy right now? Did your significant other have issues w you losing all that weight? Or if you were single during the process did guys treat you different? If you’ve already written about this, I apologize, feel free to direct me to that content and I’ll read for myself.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Get nosy all you want!! My husband had zero issues with me losing the weight. He had only known me as heavy and although I thought he might have reservations he’s been my biggest cheerleader and so proud of me. I can’t say I’ve noticed being looked at or treated differently by men since the weight loss, but my hubby and friends will comment about guys checking me out all the time.

        Like

      • You think maybe it’s your inner fat girl that keeps you from noticing that? I ask because one of my very best friends is going through something like that. She’s recently lost 50+ lbs through WW and we were out together recently. This guy was flirting with her so aggressively that I finally said,”Back off, she’s married!” I normally NEVER interfere like that but he was really crossing a line. Later, when Friend and I were alone she said, ” It never would’ve occurred to me that he was flirting. I’m old and fat. There’s no reason a guy like him would look at someone like me.” At which point, I reminded her of 2 things. First, she’s obviously still got it regardless of age. Second, she’s only about 30 lbs over goal atm so weight is not NEARLY the factor it used to be.

        I don’t know if you struggle with negative self talk but one thing that sometimes works for me when negative thoughts about myself surface is to picture saying that thought as a statement toy best friend. For example, thought that comes up when I’m trying outfits for church: I don’t know why you bother. You look like a pile of blubber in everything you try on. I sieze that thought, then picture saying it as a statement to my bff. “I don’t know why you bother. You look like blubber in whatever you wear.” That is utterly ridiculous. I would never say that to a STRANGER, nevermind someone I care for deeply. Point being, we owe ourselves the courtesy and kindness we give others.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh I’m sure it’s partially my inner fat girl, but I think it mostly has to do with being comfortable in my own skin and happy in my marriage. I think I’d pay more attention to the glances if I wasn’t happily married, you know?

        It’s funny about your friend – and I’d agree that I wouldn’t recognize someone flirting with me unless someone pointed it out.

        I have struggled with the negative self-talk from time to time. I’m trying to get better at that too and love your suggestions. I’ll have to remember those when those old feelings and thoughts arise!

        Like

      • That makes sense. If you’re not looking for that attention you might not see it. And yeah, being married does influence our attitudes. Husband sometimes thinks that if I’m successful with all my surgical goals that I’d leave him for someone else when my truth is that it’s him or no one. I haven’t ever once had eyes for anyone else despite how furious he can make me.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s