Not in the mood for a pep talk!

Even though we’ve been married for 14 years and together for over 15, Husband still misreads my emotional needs on a regular basis.

When I’m overwhelmed with a situation, to the point that I’m in tears, I need commiseration.. or maybe a hug. What I don’t need is a clear headed point by point lecture on how the glass is in fact half full after I’ve spent 10 minutes crying over how it’s half empty.

Right now is a very vulnerable time for me emotionally. I fell recently and ended up in a rehab facility for physical therapy so I can get strong enough to be safe at home. I know it’s the right place for me to be but so much is up in the air right now. I don’t want to be here forever but I’m also afraid they’ll let me go too soon.  The therapy really hurts and I have major doubts about how much they can actually achieve without surgeries given the extent of my condition. Plus I really hate being separated from Son.

I tried to express some of these complex emotions to Husband on the phone earlier while also explaining how I’m really striving for a one day at a time mentality so I don’t simply LOSE MY MIND COOPED UP WITH A WING FILLED WITH SENIOR CITIZENS.. and my husband, my true companion, partner of the past 15 years decides I need a pep talk about all the perks of being inpatient  and how not only do I need to focus on keeping a positive attitude NOW, I also need to figure out how I’ll continue to have a positive attitude once they release me from here so I can continue to care for myself the same way they are taking care of me now instead of slipping back into t h e depression I was in prior to being admitted here.

Wow. Not only was that not what I needed to hear atm, I also didn’t need another lecture about the slimy pit of despair I’ve been wasting away in for the past 3 months. I can’t believe you’ve been with me this long and you still don’t have a clue how mental illness works..

Here’s a hint! If I could’ve pulled myself out of that toxic funk, I would’ve!! Also, you can’t help someone out of a funk by lecturing them!

So… I’m not sure what the rehab has in store for me. Tonight my biggest hope is that they are more in tune with what I really need than Husband is.

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