I’ve really been struggling lately. I’ve been filled with this barely suppressed rage all the time.
Husband, especially, brings this out in me. He’s not even doing anything wrong. Just being in the same room as him infuriates me. The way he talks, his sense of humor, his habit of reminding me constantly of all the basic adult things I do on a daily basis, the way he sounds when he eats, his breathing issues ( which causes him uncontrollable coughing fits while awake and snoring like a lawnmower when asleep) and his basic denial (and refusal to deal with) his serious health issues.
So I’m furious all the time now. And I’m in a state of transition, which always has me a little crazy. Now I’m trying to get through this, establish a HEALTHY new normal and keep striving towards my goals instead of rampant self destruction.. which on nights like tonight seems much more appealing..
So I write. I don’t know if this actually helps but journaling is a positive activity and any night like this that I can make myself behave positively vs the wreckage I want to set in motion is a major win.. for me and everyone around me as well