Great! Now I’m really anxious! or Help.. I need somebody!

So I posted everything I posted before apparently too soon.. INCLUDING wanting to be kind to my Husband who is now getting on my fricking nerves!

He’s sick and is going to be going to the doctor.. Which is alright except I was selfishly looking forward to him being away at class all day and coming back with groceries people actually wanted to eat. (See previous post)

So as I had indicated when I finished my 5 am post I took meds, drank tea and then laid back down. I was just starting to drift away when Husband says in my ear,”Maria, did our gas get shut off?”

Instant panic attack. Instant feeling sure that I have fucked our delicate economy beyond recognition. That I have missed some kind of crucial step in the delicate juggling dance it takes to be us with hardly any income and still have things needed for a home like utilities and groceries. Especially to maintain a home that had DCF sniffing around not too long ago.

The last thing we need when we are already suspect by them, me for being an addict, Husband for his uncontrolled anger issues, is to have something not taken care of, some basic something like heat when it’s 16 degrees out.

So, I got up, race around scrabbling for bills that I don’t keep in one central place, found the bill then had to register for an online account because Husband has apparently let one of his balls drop and got our phones cut off, which is embarrassing not to mention horribly reminiscent of the bad old days when he refused to pay for me to have real phone service. And so far, at least Daughter and the office of the apartment complex know, because they have tried to call. Daughter will be discreet. The manager of the apartment complex, probably not so much. Which is really embarrassing.

SO the bottom line of the gas thing is no, it wasn’t cut off. But looking at my bill online has shown that I am behind enough (plus having blown a previous credit agreement) that I’m not eligible for a credit agreement right now. And the bill is just mounting and mounting. Massachusetts has a moratorium apparently which keeps them from cutting us off before March 15 which at least is a little time. But I’m anxious now.

How do I keep them from cutting us off in March? If Husband blew it with the phones has he blown it so badly he can’t fix it right away? Also, I should get help with this. But that means fuel assistance which means papers and appointments when I don’t have a car. And I’ve gotta get paperwork out for SSI. And I’ve got the Suboxone thing hanging over my head.

I need some perspective. I need a sensible way for managing all of this. I just need help!